Have you heard it said it’s a good idea always to make your bed in the morning? It is not coincidental that life gets smoother when we build good habits. It’s not enough to say you want peace, love, and happiness and then sit and wait for it to arrive without doing any of the hard work. Anyone who argues that is simply headstrong and in denial. Or, as my mother used to say, “You are just plain lazy.” I admit that transitions are always tricky, and it takes tremendous energy to keep up with all the changes and adjustments we must make to be a part of this ever-changing world. We are all stuck. We see nothing beyond our daily routines to keep up and survive. Our planet is filled with sorrow, and we are at the point where we are all losing ourselves. Our environment has become almost impossible to adapt to, and everyone is too busy telling others what to do, so nothing gets done. We are egotistical and get a high when telling others how to fix and live their lives. This is easy to do when we can walk away after putting our two cents’ worth. Like you, I’m delighted when my help or advice is sought, and it ultimately helps someone. I sympathize with anyone struggling with pain, depression, and suffering. To sound poetic, I, too, have wandered the road of hopelessness and despair, often asking myself if “I” was worth it. Life was just too hard, painful, and lonely. I had worked at the same institute for 18 years and loved my job and the people I worked with. They became my second family. Like many establishments, times got tough, and they began to make changes and cuts. Work-life became difficult for many of us, feeling despair, fear, and uncertainty. The one thing that worried me the most, however, was my mental health, which I had worked so hard to manage. It began to decline tremendously, and once more, I had to start intense therapy and medication. Every dreadful memory I had put aside in its recollection box began to surface again, including childhood sexual trauma and abuse, but that’s a story for another time.
I was overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught of memories and nightmares, and I felt like my life was spiraling out of control. This time dangerously. I was exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. I had lost it all. Still, in my heart and soul, I knew there was a little something left. My body would tell me not to get out of bed; my physical pain was just too much. But then I would see my son’s face telling me, “Mom, you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever known, and I’m here for you.”
The universe shows you signs that it’s time to step back and rest your mind and body. To do that, though, if time alone is presented, take advantage of it.
Just like making the bed in the morning, we must build a “new” habit. If we are privileged enough to be offered time, why not use it to recover our spirit? But, no, we would rather whine that we have nothing to do and are all alone. We pick up our cell phones and spend hours looking at other people’s lives. We see their fears, weaknesses, joys, likes and dislikes. Then what?
Why do we find it so challenging to sit with ourselves and be silent? Is it because we fear what we might discover? Or is it simply that we’re so weary of the effort it takes to continue working on ourselves? Remember, it’s always your choice.
Or perhaps we’re just so exhausted from the effort of self-improvement that we no longer want to continue. But always remember, it’s your choice.
Ultimately, I made a choice. I packed my bags and bid farewell to every stressful memory in the city. I moved to a small town with a population of 2,000 and started anew. It hasn’t been easy, and I still have many questions for the universe to answer. But now, when I point the finger, I first place myself in front of the mirror.
By Sandra Acevedo